Fresh Outta Class = Pooped.

Good things have been happening.  I did rush after work to Tuesday’s class and made it to the smelly one (and good lord it was humid in there).  Though I wasn’t able to make it after work any other day this week, I *did* get up and go today instead of staying under the covers and catching up on sleep (slash wallowing) like I *have* been.  So yay!  And I have plans to hit tomorrow’s 2pm (with a teacher I don’t know), and again Monday’s 5:30pm.  

And I have a new set of coworkers who want to come with me.  I made them promise to come two days back-to-back to help with the soreness.  Scheduling won’t work out for a few weeks, but it’s in the works.  Yay again!

I’ve also had some dizziness in class when we’re on the floor – usually starts when we go from front-facing floor pose to then laying on our backs for Savasana, and then back and forth.  It’s scaring me.  I know it’s probably just allergies (it’s been awful here, and I need to get on a regular schedule of meds for that to help), but it scared me on Tuesday so by Half Tortoise I just stopped doing floor poses.  Today I was smarter and just motioned to the teacher that I was going to do belly-down Savasanas between poses to avoid too much inner-ear movement.  It helped in a major way – no more dizziness.  So I think I’m going to do that for a while until I get my allergies under control.  

So Tuesday:  Great things happened.  I was able to reach my ankle for Standing Bow.  God, I remember how that was so amazing to me when I first started out, because back then I was using a hand towel around my ankle.  I still can’t “charge forward,” but I’m standing on a locked knee (balance back!), holding my other ankle, with my arm in the air.  It was the best feeling in the world.  I didn’t give a shit that all around me there were people in the full expression of the pose.  I was pleased as punch to just be standing upright on one leg.  VICTORY IS MINE!  

Today:  Same thing, but even better.  I held Standing Head to Knee (with me basically just standing on one leg) for the entire time. Standing Bow was even better – I attempted to charge forward (bravery), then fell out, then just went back to holding my ankle.  I even rocked some balancing stick!  Also, for Full Locust, I could feel (for the first time, maybe ever) that only my hip bones were on the floor and I was looking at the ceiling.  

I should get some pics taken.  

Anyway, I’m having the best/shittiest practice ever and I’m feeling great about it.  I got off that one medication that was messing me up, my balance is coming back, I’ve got an option for the allergy dizzies so I don’t vomit everywhere…  Just sunshine and roses people.  

My goal has been 4 classes per week, and I’m going to make that goal this week for sure.  Basically I only have 4 yoga towels and 4 outfits and only one laundry day in my home with shared facilities.  The laundromats around here are RIDICULOUSLY expensive.  

Okay, my brain just stalled out.  I felt it happen.  I’mma go now.  :-)  

 

Yoga Excuses

My guess is that out of ALL of you (you know who you are), I would win MVP of The Yoga Excusers.  Even right now, I am about to skip the only yoga class I could have made it to today, because instead I met my BFF for what turned out to be a very late lunch an hour away (we met in the middle), and we had dessert.  I’m stuffed to the point of vomiting, so I know that going would be a terrible decision.  Usually there’s a 7:30pm class too, but it’s Patriots Day (aka Marathon Monday) here in MA, so it’s holiday scheduling today.

Over the last two weeks, I haven’t gone at all.  I’m not getting my money’s worth.  It’s ridiculous.  And besides the money issue, I’ve been prioritizing life all wrong lately.  I’ve been going on terrible dates with terrible people (during yoga hours) to help get over a breakup. What saved me the last time from a terrible breakup?  FUCKING YOGA.  Not dating.  Yoga.  

So, I hereby vow to stop dating sub-par idiots, and start prioritizing my yoga practice.  My brain needs it, my body needs it, my LIFE needs it.  I will stop spending my weekends under the covers in a funk.  I will get up and go to class.  If I can haul ass after work and make it – even if I get out late and have to go to the 2nd-in-a-row-sweaty-smelly-class – then I’ll go.  I already have the gear in my car.  

I wish there were a way to be held accountable by ya’ll.  I’m not all that great at doing it myself, obviously.  

Funny side story, though – while I’m in surgery (I’m a veterinary surgery/anesthesia nurse), I practice standing on one locked leg to help try and get my balance back.  I started that this week.  :-)  I think it’s helping!  

 

Gettin’ Better….

So I’d planned to go to Monday’s 5:30 class, but ended up taking an accidental nap and missed it. Oops!

I wasn’t able to make it to any of the rest of the week due to work.  All my weeknights were late and it was difficult to get out on time to get to even the latest class.  

Yesterday (Friday), my body was in severe pain everywhere, tight, tense, awful.  I left work an hour early (yay!), and as I was driving home, I was thinking “You can either go home and be in pain and eat your feelings, or you can drive straight to to the yoga studio (I’ve started keeping a yoga bag with towels/clothes in my car) and NOT be in pain in 90 minutes.”  There’s a point in my commute home that literally diverges into a Y…. left to yoga, right to home.  I hadn’t even decided until I felt myself steering left.  So I went, sat in the parking lot in agony for 20 minutes before the studio opened, knowing full well I could just turn the car back on and go home.  

So glad I didn’t.  SO GLAD.  Because I was right… I was in 95% less pain and emotional agony when I left.  

I discovered from my doctor that it likely *is* the new meds keeping me off balance (though I’m sure 6 months off from yoga didn’t help).  I didn’t take the med Thursday night and my practice was actually better on Friday.  I’m still weak on one leg, but it’s getting better.  

• Warm Up:
  • Was in so much pain that the warm up was tragic.  Pranayama breathing HURT.  Half Moon sucked except for the backward bend and forward bend.  I couldn’t even do the rest of it.
• Balancing:
  • Still just practicing standing on one locked knee.  I still fall over occasionally, but not like before.  My standing head to knee is just me on one leg, holding the other up (but I can hold it up higher now, and alllllmost keep balance for the whole time).  Standing Bow is the same thing.  Standing on one leg, with my leg bent behind me.  I can grab my foot but then fall over, so I’m just sticking with strengthening my quads.  Balancing Stick is getting a little better, but I only lean forward a few inches enough so that my back leg comes off the floor an inch or two… it’s all I can do.  But it’s miles from where I was a couple weeks ago.  
• Other Standing
  • Doing okay.  Touched my forehead to the floor.  Did one set of Triangle and then fell over and lay down.  Did the other poses and then actually did first side, first set of tree, which was some kind of miracle.  I held it.  The other three… not at all.  Could just put my opposite foot on my standing calf.  Basics.
• Floor
  • Those are going well.  The teach said my backbends are excellent, which is nice.  She also complimented my focus, which feels like the best compliment in the world.  :-)  
  • I’m even getting my elbows under my body more for Locust.  It will be YEARS before my hands touch under my belly.  Shit, I’ve even started doing Rabbit.  Modified, but at least I’m doing what I can.  

It’s so humbling to be back to the beginning.  I’m sure this is how people feel after they’ve had an injury.  I’m pissed and trying to be compassionate, but man, it’s hard.  I’ll get it back.  I’m unable to get there today, but I plan to go Sunday & Monday at the very least.  

xoxo

I’ve been going! Just not writing.

Mainly because the last three classes I’ve attended since writing my last post have all been exactly the same.  Balance-less, frustrating, and humbling.  I can’t stand on one leg anymore.  I’m literally back to the very beginning.  My floor series still rocks, but all the standing stuff is back to basics.  I know, I know, I’ll get it back (and it’ll come back quickly)… I’m just wallowing.  ;-)

I’m pooped.  Class used to energize me, but I’m back to just being exhausted and needing a nap afterwards.  

Hoping to hit up class tomorrow as well.  Fingers crossed for a breakthrough.

 

xoxoxo

This Time Was Better

Oh thank goodness, I got to see G (studio owner).  I’ve missed her so much and it was just luck that she was there with her arms wide open as I walked through the door.  Naturally I just started bawling.  Then I told her about the lack of balance and how my practice is a shit show now.  Eh.

Things were a little better today, though.  I set up right next to the wall just in case I was off balance.  And luckily the noon class was sparse enough that I wouldn’t fall onto my neighbor’s mat like last time.  :-)

Okay, here we go:

• Warm Up:
  • Pranayama… my back was sore during this and I had to take a break.  It’s weird to feel like I need a break just from breathing, but whatever.
  • Half Moon – Went much deeper today, felt good, doing my best on the alignment.  Hands to feet felt so good today – nice stretch.
  • Awkward – was able to balance better on part 2 today.  Mostly I just stood there for all three parts with my arms in the air.  I’ll get back there.
  • Eagle – Hate it.  Was able to balance a little enough to get one leg up.  After class G said she thought my eagle looked good.  I personally think she was looking at someone else.
• Balancing Series:
  • Standing Head To Knee – still could just occasionally keep one foot off the floor.  Just kept my focus on locking out the appropriate knee.
  • Standing Bow – Tried for grabbing my foot, but the balance wasn’t there.   But at least today I was able to just stand on one leg and bend the other back.  Progress.
  • Stick – Not even a little.
• Other Standing Stuff:
  • Standing Separate Leg Stretching:  Feels so good.  Did both sets this time.
  • Triangle:  Love it.  Did well.  Got a call out from G.  <3
  • Standing Separate Leg Head To Knee:  This was a little better today… I was shaky, but able to do it.  I just got in and out of the posture at a slower pace than everyone else.
  • Tree:  I basically just put my foot on my calf.  That’s all I could accomplish.  
• Floor:
  • Honestly, the floor poses felt great.  The main thing to say is that during Lotus I got my hands under my belly farther than they ever have been before.  Sheesh!  That hurts like a mother!  
  • OH!  And I did rabbit for the first time ever.  I mean, I modified, but usually I just lay it out and ignore it.  This time I tried a little experiment and it worked.  I mean, it’s going to be years before my head touches the floor (stupid belly), but I’m squishing myself and rounding my spine.  So yay!

And who should I spy in a coming/going moment?  Cynthia, who I haven’t seen in months because I’ve been hibernating and not participating in personal growth.  Turns out, she’s got a women’s gathering tonight, and I’mma go.  

Guess that’s it.  Feels good to be back.  Staying in the room feels wonderful.  Hitting the noon class tomorrow.  Thanks for all the support, peeps.  Much love to you all.  

What 6 Months Off Will Do To You

Jesus.  Let’s just start there.  Je–sus.

I left work early on Thursday and had contemplated all day going to class.  I’ve needed it.  Things here have been pretty rough and I knew I needed to NOT go home and crawl into bed like I’ve been doing for a while now.  So I hauled ass so I could make it to the 4:30 (as we all know, I hate going to the 2nd class – too smelly, too juicy, too ick).

So because I’m in a bad place, and it’s hard to see through the tears, I’m just going to bullet point this shit:

• It was hot in there.  I mean, I know it’s *always* hot in there, but it was like my first class all over again and it was fucking hot in there.
• I didn’t start sweating until triangle.  How weird is that?  I was well-hydrated (that’s one thing I’ve kept up on), and there were electrolytes in my water, but… I was dry as a bone.  Weird.
• Warm up series:
  • Pranayama was okay.  I didn’t loathe it this time, even though I’m *positive* the teacher made us do it 45 times in a row.
  • Half Moon – didn’t have to rest my arms.  They stayed over my head and that felt like a little victory.
  • Awkward – shaky legs.  Couldn’t do it.
  • Eagle – Again – shaky legs, could only stand there with my arms crossed awkwardly.
• Balancing Series:
  • Let’s just say that I was 100% incapable of standing on one leg.  Whatever strength and balance I had acquired has dissipated.  I fell over and over and over and sometimes onto my neighbor’s mat simply from lifting one foot off the floor.  Unbelievable.  Part of me wonders if this is related to a new medication I’m on, which has made me bump into things and feel off-balance in general, but it was almost funny how back to basics I had to go.
• Other Standing Stuff:
  • The bendy forward one felt amazing, but I was a bit dizzy so I only did one set and stood out the other.
  • I rocked triangle like nobody’s business and only stood out 1/4.  Teacher even gave me a personal shout out for that one.  Yay!  Triangle *is* my fave posture in case you didn’t know.
  • The other bendy forward one and tree were difficult because of the balance too.  I mean, I couldn’t do TREE.  Good lord.
• Floor poses: During Savasana I apologized quietly to my neighbor for being all over the place during standing series (and sharing her mat with her on occasion).  She’s a regular and knew me from before and said it’s hard when you come back, and not to worry about it.  She was so gracious.
  • Not much to say here.  They all went pretty well, other than the normal things I can’t do (Floor Bow, 3rd part of Lotus, and Rabbit.
  • My belly was too soft during final breathing.  I could tell I’ve lost some ground there.

Highlights:  I stood out poses instead of laying down.  I assumed I’d be laying down like nobody’s business but it never happened.  This is what I’m most proud of.  Oh, and I never left the room.  WOO!

Friday was such a long day that I missed all the class times, and today was a day of wallowing in self-pity, doing a lot of crying, emotionally eating, and basically talking myself out of going to class.  But not tomorrow.  Tomorrow it’s on.  Tomorrow I GO!

I’ve missed you guys.  Sincerely.  XOXOXO

… is this thing on???

It’s been so long since I’ve logged in here, that I actually forgot my password.  But seriously, folks, I finally made it to class.  It’s been three-and-a-half months since The Shit Show, and every week I would postpone going to class for one reason or another – most of it was simply fear of getting dizzy again.  It actually took a long time (at least 6 of those weeks) for the dizziness to fully go away.  And by then I was just out of the habit.

But I did it!  I wasn’t even sure I’d go until the last possible minute.  For those who regularly practice, this’ll be funny:  It’s been so long since I practiced that I thought Head To Knee came after Half Moon.  Boy was I dreaming…

So… class.  It wasn’t that bad!  I mean, I was sweating bullets like a newbie, and I’ve been super sore, but that’s about it.  My Half Moon backbend was surprisingly deep.  I got the balance right away on 2nd part of Awkward.  Eagle can still bite my ass.  Head to Knee was awful – I could hardly stand on one leg.  Standing Bow wasn’t too shabby… even saw my foot over my head for five seconds.  I sat out Triangle.  And the one after.  Rallied for two sets of Tree and then collapsed on the floor.  I did only one set of the floor series… I was BEAT.

My mental discipline is gone, too, because once I got on the floor, all sorts of personal things started flooding in.  Stupid thoughts.  I can’t wait to get back to the point where my brain shuts off and there’s only the posture.

I had hoped I’d go back for the Sunday 4pm class, but I slept in until (gasp!) 1pm on Sunday and couldn’t get myself motivated enough to go.  I just hobbled around my apartment for the rest of the night.

Fingers crossed for next week.  Missed you guys!  Need to go catch up on your blogs now.

xoxoxo

What a week!

So after the challenge (and all that vertigo), I was unable to make my way to work.  I was out the entire week!  It took a full 7 days before I was able to lay down past 45 degrees.  I was glued to my anti-dizziness, anti-nausea meds every 8 hours.  I was stumbling around my house and couldn’t even stand in the shower or wash my hair (ew!).  I left the house twice the whole week and I’m not even sure that was the appropriate decision. 

This week’s been better.  Sunday was the first day not needing drugs, and Monday saw me back at work.  I’ve had a couple moments of positional dizziness while there, but mostly it went well!  It felt so good to be back with people again.

This weekend my plan is to try out the ol’ yoga again and see how it goes.  I admit there’s quite a bit of anxiety sitting in my chest.  I don’t really trust my brain and body just yet.  But I’ll just set up in the back and rock my practice quietly.  I’ll break the seal and it’ll be okay. 

 

Day 10: The Shit Show

I took good care of myself after my doubles.  Drank my electrolytes, ate good food, got rest.  I had planned to hit the 2pm class on Sunday to finish up my challenge.  We had a visiting teacher who was supposed to be awesome, so I was feeling excited.  I got up at around 10am, and by 11 had a delicious salad with a tuna steak along with a banana and peanut butter.  At around 1pm I realized I wasn’t quite feeling myself.  I just felt funny in my head.  I decided I’d lay down for a couple hours and hit the 4pm class instead.

Got up, still felt funny, but told myself I’d just take it easy.  Got to class, then laid down on my mat for a bit, then got crazy dizzy with nystagmus.  I made my way up to check in with the teacher and we agreed to take it easy on me.

I couldn’t even do the first breathing exercise.  I tipped my head back and lost my balance.  Sat that out.  Made it through the second set.  Made it through most of the standing series, though I felt out of triangle dizzy.  Things got pretty bad when I rolled over for Cobra.  Did the first set, rested, then when I went to push up for the second set everything went to hell.  My eyes were rapidly going side to side and I couldn’t feel myself on the floor, everything was spinning – it was awful.  The teacher noticed immediately and told me to lie on my back, but I couldn’t even roll myself back over.  I crawled out of the room (lucky for me, I’d set up near the door) with the teacher yelling behind me to stay where she could see me. 

I made it to the other side of the door and sat on my knees, holding on to a bench for dear life, bawling my eyes out and trying not to throw up.  I sat there unable to move my body an inch until the spine strengthening series was over.  At some point I fell over on to my back.  Someone else came out to rest and offered to grab me a coconut water.  I let her.  I sat up to take a sip and then everything fell apart.  I got up and hobbled to the bathroom where I proceeded to throw my guts up.  The kind of vomiting were your feet come up off the floor. 

So embarrassing.  Especially since I make roaring dinosaur noises when I throw up.  If ya’ll heard dinosaur noises on the wind Sunday… that was probably me.  You’re welcome.

I fled the building as soon as class was over and I could grab my things.  I did not thank the teacher, I just wanted to get to my home.  I got to my car and couldn’t do much else.  My legs felt weird.  They felt tingly and full like they were on the verge of cramping but couldn’t make up their minds.  I just sat there sweating in my soaked clothes – I couldn’t even change. 

After about 30 minutes I texted the studio owner (who was inside with the visiting teacher) and told her I felt weird, was still in the parking lot, and to apologize to the visiting teacher for me.  She came out with a bottle of vitamin water and got in my embarrassingly messy car to sit with me.  I cried some more while she said wonderful and soothing things to me. 

I drove very slowly and safely home (about 0.8mi) and by the time I got upstairs the dizziness was in full swing and the vomiting began again.  I was SO. SICK.  It was hours before I knew what to do.  I sat on the floor of the bathroom while the sun set – unable to get up or really move at all.  Luckily I had my phone so I started texting people to see if someone could take me to the doctor.  I finally decided I’d have to call an ambulance, so I texted my downstairs neighbor/landlord who offered to take me.  Once she saw me, though, she said she’d prefer to call an ambulance.  So we did.  And it was embarrassing. 

We went to the hospital where I was diagnosed with vertigo (plus my glucose was really high, so I got some insulin for that).  Got a couple liters of fluids, some meds for nausea and for vertigo, then hung out there until I could make my way home.  Once I got home, of course, the vomiting started up again.  UGH!

Monday saw me feeling much better, though, so I’m on the mend.  Today I went to see an Ear/Nose/Throat doc who said it was all likely caused by viral labyrinthitis (which is a cool name, eh?).  Basically my inner ear has been damaged by the virus and I have to wait for my central nervous system to catch up and figure out the new signals.  It’s annoying and unfortunate. 

A couple years ago I had a day-long episode of dizziness and vomiting (with no nystagmus) and about a month ago I had an episode of dizziness with nystagmus (but no vomiting).  I’m hoping this is not something I have to keep dealing with.  It causes some pretty awful days!

So.  I’m home and trying to rest.  I’ve got some meds to help, though I still can’t lay flat or roll over either direction.  I have to sit up to sleep which isn’t all that comfortable.  I’m tired.

But you know what?  I finished my challenge and got my damned t-shirt! 

Silver linings, people. 

 

Double Day!

I am so tired.  I don’t even know how it’s possible that I’m still awake at midnight.  This post is going to be lame and boring. 

My muscles are pissed, but I don’t think that’s because of the two classes.  I think it’s the daily yoga. 

Anyway.  I got up at 6 and made it to the 7:30am class.  I was sleepy and yawning throughout.  The room was packed and fairly juicy.  I was feeling a little nervous about the double thing, but then talked myself out of those feelings since it was only the first class of the day.  Class was pretty good!  Got a call out on my standing bow.  That’s always nice.  Especially since it’s always some miracle that I am able to hold it.  What I’ve discovered from this challenge is that I’m really starting to kick UP instead of just BACK.  Which means I’m feeling it in my hips.  I have become very aware of my hips.

I went home, showered, made some eggs with sauteed veggies and some toast.  Okay, fine, I made bacon too.  Went to the grocery store, then came home for a nap.  Then came the 4pm class.  I noticed a few things – in the first breathing exercise my elbows were coming up MUCH higher than before.  I thought they’d never be able to come up that high.  The 2nd part of Awkward is getting easier.  I’m finding the balance right away.  That’s kind of awesome.  My butt is staying towards my heels better in Half Tortoise.  All good things.

On my way to the 2nd class I started panicking.  It got worse once I was in the room waiting for class to begin.  I kept wondering how I was ever going to handle another ninety minutes.  I tried remembering what you’ve all said – to just take it one class, one posture at a time.  That helped.  And honestly, when class was over I realized it wasn’t that bad.  It wasn’t that bad!  I’m exhausted and pretty painful in my back, but that’s okay.  It was an accomplishment. 

One more class to get through tomorrow, then I get my t-shirt.  YES!