Being Honest

I’m petrified of going back to class.  I haven’t been since Thursday.  I’ve cried every single day for the last week and most of the time I’m thinking about class.  I can be intellectual about it and marvel in all the ways my brain is kicking back against this yoga (and all the many changes being led by it), how my depressed mind constantly focuses on the “failures” in my classes (last week was a doozy) even though my classes are filled to the brim with successes, and how doing this yoga may actually save my life (by saving me from myself). I’m a pretty smart gal.  I get it.  But the depressed part of me seems very separate from the intelligent-getting-it part of me.  They’re just not on speaking terms. 

Things feel pretty dark here.  Impossible, even.  

I’m hitting class Thursday.  I hope it’s relatively drama-free because I will turn this car around. 

 

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6 responses to “Being Honest

  1. Awwww, how bout this? I’ll go to class if you go to class? I’ve skipped the past couple of days because it was “so nice out” and I didn’t want to go to class.

  2. I understand fully. My instructors would always say, “You made it here. The hard part is over. Begin, please.” I also COMPLETELY get the split between “the depressed part” and the “intelligent-getting-it” part. I hope you make it to class.

  3. I didn’t make it again tonight so I totally get how hard it is to get out of this “place”. I am hoping to really get back into my practice in July.

  4. Hi there! I just found your blog and enjoyed reading through it. Thank you for sharing! You are a very strong woman, it definitely shows in your determination and willingness to go back and back and back into that hot room.

    I can relate to several things you have written about on this blog. I, too, have this pattern going on where I don’t go regularly, then try to jump-start my practice by going 4 times in 5 days or something, just to get burned out by it again and not go for a week. Oh man, it’s just so tough with time-consuming job and everything else that’s going on! I also have this thing going on where I have a crazy bad class and then I’m too scared to go back for 1-2 weeks… or I have a rock star class and skip class for the next 7 days, cause I’m so awesome I don’t need to come regularly, right? :-/

    Blah.

    I hope you are going to feel better very soon. And I hope we will both be able to find a better balance for a continued practice AND for our physical/emotional health.

    All the best!

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