I’m petrified of going back to class. I haven’t been since Thursday. I’ve cried every single day for the last week and most of the time I’m thinking about class. I can be intellectual about it and marvel in all the ways my brain is kicking back against this yoga (and all the many changes being led by it), how my depressed mind constantly focuses on the “failures” in my classes (last week was a doozy) even though my classes are filled to the brim with successes, and how doing this yoga may actually save my life (by saving me from myself). I’m a pretty smart gal. I get it. But the depressed part of me seems very separate from the intelligent-getting-it part of me. They’re just not on speaking terms.
Things feel pretty dark here. Impossible, even.
I’m hitting class Thursday. I hope it’s relatively drama-free because I will turn this car around.