Guilt and Self Loathing

This is a whiny and self-indulgent post:

I didn’t go to class today.  So that means with my four days off per week, I only went to class once.  That’s fairly ridiculous.  I kept thinking that with my new sweet schedule (Sun, Mon & Tue 12-hr shifts), that I’d be going to class four days per week.  Not once have I made it four times in one week this month.

I’m not hanging in there during the standing series like I was back in January/February.  My back pain is creeping back in, which is making regular life AND bikram life a little suckier.  My brain and emotions are not feeling as good as they were back when my practice was more intense. 

Lots of things get in the way, I think.  None of my “things” are good excuses to skip class, though.  If all of YOU are going, then I should be going too. Yet, POOR ME has been the theme of my life lately.


Next week is another opportunity.  Wednesday.  WEDNESDAY.


11 responses to “Guilt and Self Loathing

  1. Well, this week is over. So let it go and move on to the next! You can do it. Also, there’s someone at my studio who has a lot of back pain. I don’t know the extent of it, but it sounds horrible. He said his back pain got worse when he started coming to Bikram less. He started coming more and is feeling better.

    • Stupid back pain. I know my back feels better when I’m going to Bikram more, and I think I just get down on myself for those tendencies to NOT do what I know is good for me.

      It’s a new week!

  2. You are only saying what all of us feel at one point or another (or at least I do!!) Don’t beat yourself up too much. Life happens to all of us. Just get your butt back in there…the yoga will welcome you back with open arms.

  3. I just had two weeks off (actually, I’ve only done Bikram once in the last three weeks!) and when I headed back to the studio yesterday, everyone crowded around asking if I’d gone on holidays and where I’d been. My response: “Ummmm… I’ve been on the couch.” :D

    I’ve gone backwards in a bunch of poses (and my legs are so sore today!) which is disappointing after all the progress I made in the challenge, I guess… but at the same time, I knew what I was doing when I blobbed on the couch after work or went out for dinner instead of going to class. I knew what the probable result would be. I chose to do it anyway. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad person or lazy or useless or any of that rubbish. It just means I wanted to blob more than I wanted to stretch. Yesterday I wanted to stretch more than I wanted to blob. End of story. No moralistic overtones or self-loathing needed :)

    (I’ll also second what leighahall says – I have crazy bad hips and haven’t really any issues with them for the last six weeks… but even after two weeks of no Bikram they started to go downhill again. I know just how much it sucks practicing when your back is sore, but if you don’t practice chances are it’ll just get worse!)

    • I love that everyone assumed you were on holiday. Hilarious!

      I’ve been pretty blob-tastic lately. Lots of I-Don’t-Wanna-You-Can’t-Make-Me feelings. I’m so grown up!

      I’m back at it tomorrow. Need to figure out my own balance, I guess.

      Also, I want you to a 365 Challenge because I miss reading your posts everyday!

      • Awww, thank love! I miss writing them :) Although I think that sometimes (a lot of the time!) the blog posts took up more time than the class! I always go through TWENTY MILLION REVISIONS OMG.

        I’m busy pretending to be a grown-up and applying for jobs at the moment, so all my screentime at home tends to be dedicated to that right now :( I’ll get back on the blogging horse soon though!

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