Class #28, 2/17/2012

Ahhhh.  Interesting class on Friday night.  I didn’t get much accomplished.  My back hurt, my feet were cramping from the first pose all the way through the rest of the standing series.  Usually it’s just for Awkward Pose (pose #2).  The only good thing about the first half was that I went the farthest I’ve gone during the Half Moon Back bend.  I can’t wait until I can make it to 90 degrees and my face is upside down.  I’m going to make it, I can tell.  I know it’s going to feel so good.  I totally catch myself at work soothing any back stiffness with that back bend.  It helps.  Back bends for everybody!

Lots of foot cramps and general achyness during the first half.  Lots of crying during the second.  I don’t know what happened.  We got on the floor, rested in dead body pose and then the second we started Wind Removing Pose the tears just came.  Disgust with myself, feelings of failure for not having been in the room as often as I’d like, feeling so fat and gross for not being able to interlock my fingers around my leg (even though the evidence of my successes were right in front of my eyes… I couldn’t even touch my knees when I started).  It was just a difficult class for me and I hated every second of it.  I longed for the giddiness that poured out of me (along with the sweat) on the day before.  I want to feel that joy every time.

I guess that’s a lot to ask, though.  My head has been in my way for too many years.

And now I’m off for the 5:30.  I’m feeling anxious and tired and simply don’t want to go.  I know I’ll feel amazing afterwards, but I still fight with myself the whole way over there.  I hope that part goes away soon.

Out the door!

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