After that last class it has taken me five days to get back into the hot room. I just didn’t have the nerve. I know I should stick with the idea of always returning the following day, but that class was a serious ass-kicker.
I went Thursday evening after a particularly awful overnight at work. I was exhausted, I was sore, and the last thing I wanted to do was go to yoga. But it was time. I felt guilty for having missed so many days and doing such a poor job of keeping at it. So I went. And proceeded to have the best class ever.
Julie was teaching. I like her classes. She’s generally reserved in the room, her dialogue is perfect and focused, and she’s really good at keeping the room at perfect Bikram temperature.
Anyway! I was rocking through the poses, dealing with my typical feet cramps that I always seem to get during the 2nd posture (I don’t know why Awkward pose always gives me feet cramps – no other pose does it), and blasting through towards Triangle. I did both sets and didn’t feel the need to lay down. Which was weird! So I kept going into the next pose. And did both sets. Then it was time for the last set of the standing series, and my legs were shaking uncontrollably because I hadn’t rested, but I was walking on air because I’d just made it through the first half without laying down. First time ever!!! What an amazing feeling.
So I was pleased with myself and didn’t have any expectations beyond having made it through the first set without laying down. I was just in the moment, elated, and yet moving on with the floor poses. I had energy. I had joy. I was in the moment and feeling grand. I did the best Full Locust pose that I’ve ever done (and I could really feel the difference in the amount of lift in my body). I was heading towards the end of class when suddenly I had an option. Lay down through rabbit like I always do, or go for it.
I went for it. I did a terrible job of it, but I did effing rabbit. And from there there’s only two poses left and so there it was. I was sprinting towards the end with a perfect game in sight and I made it! Twenty-six postures and two breathing exercises. And regardless of how well I did the poses, I did actually do them and that makes me super excited and happy to go back tonight.
I’d been constructing (in my mind) a post about goals and how I hoped that within a year I’d be able to do the class from start to finish without having to lay down. I thought it would take that long before I built up enough endurance to make it the whole 90 minutes. I’m amazed and very proud of myself.
Now, I know better than to go in tonight thinking I’ll pull off a perfect class again. This yoga is extremely humbling and has a way of keeping a person in their place. Every single class is different from the one before and all I can do is what I can do today. Yesterday was perfect class day. Maybe today will be too, but maybe not (probably not). So I’m going to go in there tonight remembering what is possible while working with what I have today.