Class #19, 1/13/2012

I cried in class today.  No one knew because I was sweating so much, but there was definitely some crying today.  I had walked in already feeling defeated, and even as I was sitting in the hot room waiting for class to begin I was plotting my escape.  Class hadn’t started, I was totally emotionally unprepared, so I figured I could just pick up my mat and leave.  Let me tell you, it took everything I had to stay put.

I’m so tired.  My knees are sore, my shoulders and upper back are sore, my left hip is sore.  It’s ALL SORE.  And I’m totally failing at the 30-Day Challenge.  I’ve only been 9 days out of the last 13.  I was so gung-ho at the end of last month.  I was feeling good, I was excited to come, and now I’m just tired.  I come to class and I’m beat before we even begin.

Now, I’m going to keep going.  No idea why, but I am.  Because the truth is, I’m seeing benefits.  My concentration is better, my sleep is better (when I can get it), my body moves around better.  So I’ll keep showing up.  But I’m feeling really frustrated with how up and down my progress has been.  It’s definitely not a linear path, and that bums out my inner Capricorn who wants to get from point A to point B in the most organized, excellent way.  That’s not happening.  They tell you that every day is different, and you work with whatever you bring that day.  It’s so true, and I find it both forgiving and annoying as hell (mostly annoying as hell).  I do something wonderful in class that makes me feel like I’ve just taken two giant leaps forward in my practice, and then the next day I can’t repeat it.  FRUSTRATING.

And I’m pretty sure the frustration is what finally caused the tears.

Other than all that, it was another good class with Joanne.  I like her a lot.

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