Took the 4:30 yesterday with Joanne. I love her style. I keep trying to describe it, but then delete what I type. I can’t get it right. She’s great! We’ll leave it at that. :-)
I spent most of this class berating myself for my back pain, for how I look in the mirror, for how tired I was. I was so weak during this class. I’d worked the overnight shift, had been up most of the day and was exhausted before I even walked through the door. I couldn’t bend, I couldn’t balance, everything was out of whack.
I had every intention of going to Kelly’s 9:30 class this morning (and had been looking forward to it) but I overslept. Now I have to wait until Monday morning and I feel angry and frustrated with myself.
I can feel my brain kicking back against this new exercise. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to HAVE to do it. It shouldn’t be this hard. Then I tell myself to shut up about it because we are DOING this. But I’m in this constant state of struggle. It’s not even the physical part – sure this yoga is difficult, but that’s not it. It’s this background noise in my head telling me over and over how hot it is, how much my back hurts, how stupid and disgusting I am, and how I should just give up and drive my ass to McDonalds.
I’m beat. It’s been a super stressful week and this coming week is going to be even busier. If I can make it to New Year’s Eve, I will be able to spend the entire day resting. I can’t wait.